


you're at hongdae, i'm in my room

by gudesanha



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Cheating, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Sad Ending, Unhealthy Relationships, rewrite of one of my previous works
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-02
Updated: 2018-11-02
Packaged: 2019-08-16 19:15:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16501145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gudesanha/pseuds/gudesanha
Summary: but he can never bring himself to be angry at sicheng for long. he simply can't do it, not even when sicheng is outrightly unfaithful and basks in the attention it brings from taeyong.





	you're at hongdae, i'm in my room

taeyong knows.

he's known from the start really, but there lies the problem; for as long as he's known, taeyong has been afraid. afraid of the truth, afraid of losing sicheng. it's the type of fear that makes his palms sweaty and his throat close up, and everytime he knows he should say something, taeyong swallows his words and tells himself he'll do something if it happens again.

and, of course, it happens again. taeyong can still vividly remember the first time. he had been on top of the world after finally getting a promotion at work, and he'd decided to finally take sicheng out to the fancy restaurant they'd been wishing to visit for so long. his bright spirits don't fade, not even when his boyfriend still isn't home an hour after he usually arrives.

he's about to send sicheng a text when their front door opens slowly, and sicheng slips inside. his caramel hair is mussed handsomely, and taeyong feels a smile grace his lips as the taller man approaches him.

slim arms snake around taeyong's waist and his chest fills with butterflies, the feeling reminiscent of the way he had felt during the beginning of their relationship. sicheng had been shy back then and so was their love, all stolen glances and flushed cheeks. in that moment, taeyong feels so happy and so in love that he thinks he will burst.

but, of course, the moment doesn't last long. the collar of sicheng's shirt slips down his shoulder, revealing his collarbone, and taeyong is spiraling down, down, down. sicheng's smooth skin has transformed from a blank canvas to one that is tainted. he's painted by marks from lips that are not taeyong's, and taeyong so wishes to make them disappear.

but he can't. they stay, taunting him until his chest is tight and nausea is weighing heavy in his stomach. he closes his eyes, but all he can see is the truth.

sicheng presses a sweet kiss to the rise of taeyong's cheek and tightens the hold he has around his waist, pulling back to look into his lover's eyes.

“is something wrong?” he asks, voice so, so innocent, and something inside taeyong gives in. he smiles as bright as ever and shakes his head, but his hands shake where they are resting on sicheng's shoulders. they continue on with their day as if nothing is wrong, but taeyong doesn't quite feel the same after that.

later on, taeyong remembers that moment as the one that sicheng wasn't his anymore.

taeyong isn't the only one who knows. he can see it in the way johnny won't look him in the eyes as much anymore, in the way pity laces taeil's smooth voice every time taeyong even mentions sicheng's name. the pain welling up inside taeyong starts to seep through into his everyday life. he wants to get mad, wants to demand the truth from them even though he already knows, but taeyong says nothing.

taeyong tells himself that if his friends don't care enough to say anything, he won't either, but he cares. taeyong cares a lot.

-

tonight is the beginning of the end.

taeyong can see that sicheng is drunk, even if they're a fair distance from each other. sicheng moves across the dance floor, body moving as natural as a river until he's pressed up against some stranger, eyes shining with shattered moonlight and lips twisted into a smile that's too knowing, too twisted to be genuine.

it's beyond fucked up, really, the way sicheng looks at taeyong as he's doing this. he's perfectly calm as the stranger's hands travel from his waist down to his hips, his almost serene expression a sharp contrast to taeyong's clear agitation.

sicheng is enjoying this, taeyong realizes. that much is clear, even from this distance, but taeyong wishes it wasn't. he moves as if he's been possessed, feet ghosting over the floor and body weaving through the sweaty crowd until he's only a few paces away from sicheng and the other man.

it hurts, hurts even though taeyong has suspected it for so long. the cold,  _ real  _ truth washes over him like a wave, a riptide slowly but surely pulling him out to sea until the water overwhelms him, presses in around him until there's no escape. the waves pull him below the surface, his lungs aching and yearning for air until he gives in, water filling his mouth and cutting off his air.

sicheng detaches himself from the man and slinks towards where taeyong is standing, cold hands wrapping like handcuffs around taeyong's wrist and tugging gently. “hi, taeyongie,” he murmurs oh so sweetly, and taeyong feels himself melt, give in the way he always has when it comes to sicheng. he's so, so weak, clay waiting to be molded by sicheng's hands, and he hates himself for it.

and so taeyong lets himself be pulled away from the deafening music and suffocating crowd, lets himself be pushed down into an empty taxi with tinny music drifting through the rundown speakers. he doesn't speak, doesn't push sicheng away even when the younger man practically latches onto him, hot breath fanning over his neck and a long leg thrown across his lap.

“yongie,” sicheng hums, thin fingers weaving into taeyong's hair, and taeyong can feel the word vibrate low in sicheng's chest. even now, he likes how his name sounds from sicheng's lips; his accent curls subtly around the syllables, and taeyong feels he can forgive sicheng for anything if he just says his name that way. “are you mad at me?”

“no,” taeyong hears himself say, and he things that it's true. sure, he'd been furious at first, anger burning like molten lava through his veins and wrapping itself around his heart, but he can never bring himself to be angry at sicheng for long. he simply can't do it, not even when sicheng is outrightly unfaithful and basks in the attention it brings from taeyong.

the rest of the ride home passes in a blur. the next thing he knows, taeyong is stumbling over cracked sidewalks and up silent staircases until they're standing in front of their shared apartment.

it's dark when they walk in, but neither of them bother to turn the lights on. as soon as the door is shut and their shoes are kicked off, sicheng is on taeyong, pressing their lips together with bruising fervor. his focus moves from taeyong's lips to his neck, sucking marks into the skin as he tugs them towards the bedroom.

cold hands push taeyong's shoulders until he falls back onto the bed, and then sicheng is kissing him again. his fingers work at taeyong's buttons and he doesn't let up until they're both breathing heavy, lungs burning. sicheng smiles, sharp and cat-like, and taeyong tugs him down so their lips meet again.

taeyong doesn't remember much after he lets himself get lost in pleasure. sicheng's soft gasps in his ear serve as an adequate distraction from the ache of betrayal, but taeyong still doesn't feel right. nothing has felt right for so long, and taeyong has to strain to remember how happy they had been at the start.

the tightness in taeyong's chest doesn't disappear, not even when exhaustion is tugging at his eyelids and weighing down his limbs. he feels sicheng sit up and there's a hand ghosting over his hair, so gentle that taeyong feels as if he can't breathe. then sicheng is gone, and taeyong doesn't realize he's crying until there's hot tears streaming down his face. his hands grips the sheets until his knuckles go white as he tries his best to keep his sobs silent.

“hey,” sicheng murmurs from across the room, and taeyong's breath freezes in his throat before he realizes that sicheng is talking on the phone. “yeah, i'm at home right now.”

“where are you? hongdae? okay, i can head over there now, don't worry. oh, him? yeah, he doesn't care.”

**Author's Note:**

> so i decided to rewrite you're at the club, im at home for no reason!!!  
> i strongly recommend listening to 넌 클럽이니 난 집인데 by ciki while reading, because this fic was based off this song! any of ciki's songs fit this vibe really  
> feel free to point out any mistakes! i proofread this in like 30 seconds so i prob missed something. also i hope it's clear that even if sichengs character is like this i don't actually think of him that way blah blah blah  
> twt/cc: vampyuta


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